Last night I went to the Fog City Diner with my friends Paul and Matt for dinner. Now this diner is a bit more upscale as opposed to your average diner that serves greasy burgers & fries (my favorite)  The Fog City Diner is a little pricey. They serve a lot of seafood.....what else would it serve being in the  heart of San Francisco. I love to listen to the tourists jabbering away in their native tongue....I hear quite a bit of Chinese, Japanese, French, German, etc. I love to people watch, and San Francisco is the best place on earth to do it.

During dinner I had to fart like you wouldn't believe, but I do have manners in public, so I decided to hold it in until I got outside, but that wasn't to be. The gas

pains got so bad I knew I couldn't hold my wind inside any longer. The noise in the restaurant was at a high volume thanks to a full house, so I very slowly lifted my right leg a few inches and let loose with the biggest and loudest fart in the history of my life. A very cute waitress taking orders nearby gave me a filthy look and as she passed my table, and I heard her say, "what a fucking loser". I was mortified to say the least. I got up and told my friends I would meet them outside.

This afternoon I placed a call to the diner and asked to speak to the waitress from last night. I gave the manager the best description I could of the waitress. The manager told me I just decribed Cassandra. He told me to hold the line while he called her to the telephone.

About a minute passed before she said hello. I explained to her who I was, and told her I called to apologize. Before I could say another word she berated me for being "a fucking pig in public". Futhermore, she exclaimed, " The chair you were sitting in last night had to be steamed cleaned this morning , you fat bastard.

Holy shit, I was turning as red as a beet. I wanted to crawl under a rock. I stammered once again that I was sorry, but to no avail.The waitress told me I was a "fat slob" and "a pig", and that she hoped the next time I farted like that, that my insides would explode.

Fog City Diner Menu